Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?