Fine Print for a Thank You Card

as written by my dear husband.

This document contains confidential information and may not be shared with parties not intended for receipt, nor are the contents of this document presumable to be a binding contract, implied nor expressed. Opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the writer and are not representative of management, the board, nor the stock holders of the corporation, however they might include actual opinions of janitors, door men and laypersons not employed by nor associated with this Limited Liability Corporation, henceforth to be referred to as “the Corporation”.

This document itself remains the property of the Corporation and must be surrendered pending 90 days notice of intent to retrieve, including all photocopies, electronic, pictographs, computer terminals having once displayed any representations, including hand written, Morse Code, semaphore and also including any and all light rays reflected from copies of this document into outer space as well as any brains in any person containing any memories ever having read any copy of this document, or anyone knowing someone who has.

These conditions apply to all copies in English and or any other language except Old Swahili translated into binary code using invisible ink subsequently burned and their ashes having been scattered equally into the Pacific, Atlantic and Indian Oceans, with a remaining ten percent dispersed upon the winds blowing not less than fifty kilometers per hour toward the Black Sea with the disperser standing not less than one foot from low tide.